just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize