Already got asked if we're dating
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
