Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
