a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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