morning after pill = breakfast in bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
