This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
