Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
