Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize