Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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