someone get that fucking seahorse.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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