WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
