id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
