i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
