i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
