How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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