Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
