I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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