I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
