he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
