Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
