the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
love makes seman taste better
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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