u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
