after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
