Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
