I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
