I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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