3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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