He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
