i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
