This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
