I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
