Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
