He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
