i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
