I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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