Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Operation Purity has been aborted
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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