ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
