i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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