new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize