1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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