Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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