I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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