Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
