make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
