So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
