i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
