I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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