totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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