How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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