it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
