I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
