I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
