4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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