My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
