I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
