I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
