Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
