She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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