i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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