So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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