What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize