If i come over, it means nothing
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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