I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
