Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
