Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
