i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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