It's like a parade of train wrecks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
