Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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