I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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