I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
