Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
is it fun? or sober?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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