I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
