and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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