I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
