Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
