Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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