I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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