Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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