I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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