do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
