if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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