Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
