so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are leaves in my underwear?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
