time to smoke my breakfast
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
