My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
