I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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