if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
